Who I was - Part II

While living on my own, I managed to attain stability and happiness - artificial as it may have been. While, admittedly, I was drinking too much and partying a little too hardy, I was surviving. I indulged myself socially only on the nights I was not parentally responsible, but indulge I did, and overly much. I took in some of the irresponsible lifestyle that I'd foregone by starting my family early. My daughter was always welcome at my Mother's on the weekends, but even so, it didn't last too long. After a relatively short time, I left that behind me. This didn't not happen before acknowledging my attraction to women, and crashing and burning at one dating relationship that terrified me enough not to try again.

After an excess of pressure from my immediate family and close friends whom were not fully aware of the reason I'd chosen to separate from my spouse, I reunited with him. We tried our relationship again for the sake of saying we tried. My child was now three, and if I was ever going to have another child, I wanted it soon, so we tried again and succeeded at a second daughter who was born healthy and happy.

The next year and a half was full of financial hardship, emotional struggles, and lies beyond comprehension (the lies coming from both sides). Then, in early 2010, my high school sweetheart and emotional adversary was arrested and eventually charged with three felonies; two counts of child molestation and then an unrelated count of theft. I have seen him once since the Judge's final ruling and it was out of an aching to ask, "why...?" While I was brave enough to speak to him, I never did ask my question. My soul hurt for the boy that he once was, and my sense of justice raged against the vile creature he had become.

With a counselor at my wing, $900 in cash, no child support, and two mediocre full-time jobs, I struck out on my own. I found an apartment, registered the kids for school, and soldiered on. This soldiering would eventually cost me, having missed only a single day of work for the ordeal I'd been though, knowing I couldn't fiscally afford it. The true cost would come later, as it so often does.